TREK-A-DAY: The Corbomite Maneuver
EPISODE TEN: The Corbomite Maneuver.
Uh oh, it’s another early episode! It’s early in the morning and for the first, but not the last time, here’s a drunk Trek-A-Day..
-So, the big problem so far is that there are only four people on the bridge and there’s a magic floating ‘cubical object’
-Turns out Kirk is in sick bay for a check up, involving the random wall leg press (frequently used) and the wall monitor (apparently the only device in sick bay worth checking)
-Everytime the cube shows up, a facsimile of the ACME industries theme from Looney Tunes plays.
-Kirk insists on walking through the hallways post physical wearing no shirt and a towel. This is why the Concordia Yacht sank.
-Kirk got a shirt, Enterprise still blocked by magic cube (not Borg, just technicolor)
-Kirk just bitchsmacked a random crewman:
CREWMAN ASSHOLE (Bailey): We’ve got phasers, why not just blast it?
KIRK: I’ll take that under consideration, when this becomes a democracy.
-There’s a neat ‘here there be dragons’ feel to this episode; sometimes during space travel shit just happens.
-Crewman asshole is definitely headed for space madness. He keeps challenging Kirk and is clearly a bit player. Combined with the manic music associated with the cube and his frequent close ups, he’s headed for a space tomb.
-New solution: shoot it. They blew it up. Bailey was right.
-New question, go home or go on. Five year mission over?
-Kirk just remembered the quote I was parodying. Spock thinks exploring is irrational.
-Bailey cocked up the attack so Kirk is making them run drills. Against the stationary cube. That took 18 hours to attack and was destroyed by a single phaser blast. Kirk keeps rubbing his temples, either needs Motrin or a mid-episode twist.
-YEOMAN RAND IS BACK for one episode only (from the past), she hates him (serving him lunch while he’s drunk), and he complains about being assigned a female Yeoman, given that he
already has a woman to worry about, The Enterprise. Man this context would have been great early in their relationship. You know, instead of after she disappears.
-Damn. Cube is done, but now there’s an orb. Mishmash between the Death Star and a kaleidoscope.
-“United Earth Ship Enterprise”, eh? The DVD is kind enough to cite the proper order of the episodes, but the airing order makes increasingly less sense. I would have buried this episode, too but still…
-Orb was a warning bouy, there’s a Futuramaesque ominous alien voice warning them against…everything.
-Hahahaha alien voice is giving them “ten earth time segments, known as minutes” to pray to their deities.
-Kirk is warning that thought they’ve met many aliens, fear is the true enemy; I want him on my side in the zombie apocalypse. Unlike a lot of modern sci fi, there’s optimism about human nature,that frankly I miss. Kirk implies how human values are worth it.
-Holy shit, it’s one of the most famous Trek aliens, the classic grey headed swab guy!!!
-Bailey is bitching about everything, he sounds like Space Jimmy Stewart.
-Annnnnnd there’s the space madness. You owe me a Coke, loyal reader.
-Kirk is negotiating with jerk alien. Most of our sci fi parodies are directly addressing this episode
-“We have seven earth minutes left.”
-“There was a commercial. Now you have four.”
-Kirk disagrees that chess is the way to beat jerk alien, he wants to play poker. He s bluffing like Odysseus over Corbomite, a McGuffan that will blow up jerk alien. This is now Galaxy Quest more respect to an already amazicrazy film.
-Kirk: Corbomite is a magical McGuffan that will blow up your damn ship if you hurt us.
-Spock is talking about his mom for some reason.
-Baliey is back on the bridge for the finale and/or for a noble exploding panel death.
-Looks like the Ontario Place cinesphere isn’t going to blow up The Enterprise after all.
-Poker analogies abounding.
-yep, there he is again, in all his low budget glory
-Yeoman Rand used a hand phaser to warm coffee. My kinda lady.
-He wants to intern the crew. He’s a dick.
-There’s a charm to this episode: it’s an old school, human versus alien battle of the brains. Kirk is in fine form as a tactician.
-Oh no, The Enterprise is being assaulted by Shakey Walls! Everybody stumble a bit!
-“Bailey, you’re with me.”
And then I fell asleep check in tomorrow for the thrilling conclusion!!
-They escape by draining the ships batteries and decide to beam down to deal to save the aliens who were just threatening them (for some reason this done bent forward.)
-AND THE EPISODE JUST TOOK A TURN FOR THE AWESOME!!!
-Stupid fake space alien IS ACTUALLY FAKE! Turns out he’s a SPACE BABY!!! WTF remains an understatement for the amount of awesome at work here. Also, Bailey beamed down. Bad move.
-Space Baby just doled out drinks, i don’t trust him, he has evil bushy eyebrows.
-The puppet is the Mr Hyde to Space Baby. He is terrifying when he laughs.
-Turns out he was testing them to find out if they’re evil…actually just wanted a conversation.
-Guess who’s staying behind to learn about alien cultures? Here’s a hint: it’s not Bones or Kirk. Goodbye Bailey.
-SPACE BABY WAS PLAYED BY CLINT HOWARD!!!!!!!
Alright, so this episode clearly messed with my mind a lot. The twist was great (playing off my modern special effects prejudice) and in the end was about the series’ mandate: learning about alien cultures.
What a damn weird way to do it.